Personality Defect

A lot had happened in just two days, made me realized that I have a HUGE problem with my personality...but sometimes I wonder, do I have to carry the full responsibility of all the things that had happened?

I am not a perfectionist, but when it comes to academic wise, I do hope that I could score higher in coursework marks. I am not a bright student, just a mediocre, nothing more than average student. I do not know since when I have high expectations towards my coursework marks, especially in assignments, presentations, and even for lab session..maybe this cause me to be so 'aggressive' sometimes..

I know I kinda turned into a bitch on Monday night, by telling my group mate A to change the way she present last minute ( we were suppose to present at Tuesday, and it was already 11.30am on Monday). I know she is a person that makes a lot of preparation no matter in what she does, but the moment I listen to her presentation when we were practicing, a bitchy thought comes into my mind " did you ever read that assignment??". After practicing, I ask her straightaway..do you understand your part (oh no, a huge mistake here), then why your explanation was like that? Then, she started to 'argue' with me...which caught both me n my another friend B in shock.. I heard from B later that she cried after that, cause I asked her to change her speech last minute and she was so stressed..

Another case yesterday..I 'argued' with my group mate C during lab session, in front of Dr Han! It was just a small confusion and usually, we will redo what we had done. Maybe it's because of stress (with Monday night's case, all those test coming up and not to mention Dr Han presence in the lab..) I started to 'argue' with her...small argument really, but the impact it caused..

The thing that makes me really sad is, C heard from B what happened to A and told B that she thinks that I am not reasonable, and I always do not accept other people's opinion.

I agree that I am kinda hardheaded, but I do always tell you guys to remind me when I start to loss myself...it is not that I do not accept other's opinion, but when we know we could do better by doing it this way rather than the other way, didn't you wanna try to do better? And this is all during academic only, I do accept you guy's opinion in other stuffs!

I am seldom a follower, but not trying to be a leader either...I don't even know where am I now.. or what I want anymore...I guess B is right, I should change myself to become a soft spoken person, just do my stuffs, do not stand out, etc, etc..a completely different 180 degree changing into a new me..

But will changing makes everything better? I guess I have to change, maybe those who does not like my personality in taking charge a little happier.....

So stressed, can't focus on my revision, and I have around 4 test, 1 quiz and 3 reports lining up till next week...